


Baby Angus Adventures

by InterNutter



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angus is a Taakitz baby, Anthology, Gen, Pregnancy, Vomiting, saccharine overload
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-01-15 04:28:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21247478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterNutter/pseuds/InterNutter
Summary: Another collation, this time of all the stories prompted via Tumblr (and here) where Ango is a Taakitz baby for reasons of cute.Tags subject to change without notice, so please check regularly, thankyou.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Those McElboys make wonderful toys and all the wishing in the world will not make me get paid for doing these things. Thanks for the love, comments, and text-versions of screaming because those actually extend my lifespan.
> 
> Anonymous said:  
Can I ask for a pre-Angus McDonald, but slightly tweeked where Taako is pregnant with Angus (because of elf biology shenanigans) and Taako and Kravitz are just fawning over Taako’s belly and talking about how they are going to give Angus the best life.

[AN: Oh, I could kill y’all with so much angst on this, but nah. We can pretend that Elven biology actually accommodates the horseshit I put into the preamble of _Warp and Weft._ Let’s go with that.]

Five Months After Story and Song (ASS)...

Taako was wiped the fuck out. This business of his was exhausting. Worse than exhausting. All he ever wanted to do was sleep.

Unfortunately, one of the chucklefucks he’d spent an entire century with and then some, was attempting to batter down the door.

“Taako,” bellowed Magnuts. “Come on, we got a mish!”

“Open up, glamour boy.” Oh shit, it was the alleged cleric.

Taako fought the gravity well of the couch. It would be so much easier if he could use magic, right now. “Fuck off,” he hollered, barely hauling himself up into a sitting position. “Your glass cannon’s out of fucking order.”

Now both of them were using all available fists to thunder on the door. “Taako, stop dicking around!”

Taako growled and levered himself up from the couch. These assholes wouldn’t take ‘fuck off’ for an answer. He shuffled up to the door and opened it between peals of fist-driven thunder. “Your glass cannon,” he repeated, “is out of fucking order.”

“WOAH!”

“Holy shit, you’re _pregnant?”_ Magnuts reached for the bump, but stopped when Taako took a step back.

“Yeeah keep your grubby paws off the alleged precious cargo, there, bullmoose. I’m off adventuring for seven more months and prob’ly more than that. You know pregnant Elves shouldn’t do magic.”

“But... you’re a dude, dude!”

“Yeah, not all dude. It happens with Elves. Not so much with Humanmen.” He didn’t exactly let them in, just shuffled away from the door towards the most convenient privy because getting up meant he needed to pee.

The little nugget within decided to help add pressure on his bladder by dancing on it. On one hand, painful. On the other, sort’a helpful in a way.

When he got back to his nest, Magnuts had some reheated nutritious treats and Merle had some pungent tea.

“I know. It smells like ass,” Merle began.

“Your ass. After an arbour ardour sesh,” said Taako.

“Think of it like medicine,” said Magnus. “You need your natal vitamins.”

Taako growled audibly this time, ears flicking right back. “You’re almost as bad as my actual family.” By which he included Lup, Barold, and Krav. “All three of them are on my nuts twenty-four sev.”

“Looks to me like someone was on more than your nuts,” said Magnus.

Merle waited until Taako was trapped in a chair before he urged a cup of the tea on him. “Drink the ass tea or I’ll tell you all about my sordid affair with a philodendron.”

_That_ fuckin’ worked. Taako shuddered at the aftertaste. Already reaching for the tasty treats to clear his palette. The next thing he knew, he had four grubby chucklefuck hands on his spreading middle.

Magnuts had tears in his eyes. “It’s kicking...”

“Yeah, the little nugget does that a lot,” grumbled Taako. “Please tell me you washed your fuckin’ hands before laying them on me?”

“Yeah, yeah. Antibacterial and all that shit,” said Merle. “You’re fine.”

“Apart from the bit where I got you two idiots groping me...”

“Did Krav help make this?” said Mango.

“No, I held a fuckpile and you weren’t invited. Of fucking course Krav and I...” He had to giggle. The baby was tickling him. “My other name for the nugget is ‘Serendipity’...”

A happy accident.

They hadn’t meant to make this life, but they wanted it.

“So... actual names?”

“I get to name any girls, but Krav gets to name any boys. So... Angus or Lulu. I already got checked out by a competent Cleric and... uh... it’s the first single birth in like a hundred generations of my family, so... It’s the ultimate coin toss.”

“You’d really name your baby after your sister?”

“Shyeah! She’d fuckin’ kill me if I didn’t.”

Mango insisted on talking to Taako’s baby bump. “Whoever you are, I will protect you.”

Merle, a little more grumpy about it, said. “Yeah, I’ll even learn to be a competent Cleric so I can heal it.”

Taako muttered, “You two get any more cute about this and I’ll throw up on you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said:  
From the ask of having Taako pregnant with Angus, can we have everyone visiting Taako, Kravitz, and Angus right after he is born?

[AN: To save on archive trawling, that one is [this thing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17400989/chapters/43716692#workskin).]

They came the day after someone else had cleaned up all the mess. The nice thing about putting a new being into the world was that nobody expected much out of you for, like, weeks. On the other hand, hachi machi, it fuckin’ hurt.

Yet all of that was worth it for the incredibly tiny bean nestled in the crook of his arm. Sound asleep and unaware of everything but his Apa’s scent and heartbeat. At least until the invading horde came in.

“Please be quiet. If you wake the baby, we will literally kill you,” warned Krav.

Magnuts entered first, followed my Merle “plantfucker” Highchurch. Tailing behind them was Lup and Barold. All on stocking feet, all in breathless wonderment.

“Oh my gods...” whispered Mango. “Is it baby Angus or baby Lulu?”

Taako was still wiped out, but being catered to hand and foot was helping him rally magnificently. “Meet baby Angus, literally born yesterday.”

A little hand stretched outwards and Mango intercepted it with his finger. That tiny new hand couldn’t reach around Magnus’ meaty digit. Amazingly, this caused the big lug to cry.

“...’s so smol...” he whimpered.

“Yeah, that’s completely normal,” growled Merle, barely remembering to keep his voice down. “What, you expected him to come out instantly ten years old?”

“Oof, gods no,” mumbled Taako. “This was more than enough of a job to get out. I still feel tender.”

_“Everyone goes gaga for babies,” Merle complained. “Or should I say ‘googoo gaga for babies...”_

Lup just crawled up on the bed with them. “Aaaw... lookit those stiff little half-Elf ears... Do they wiggle and jiggle when he has a little drinkie?”

_“What’s the point? There’s babies born every day. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands...”_

“You’re not stealing my baby, Lulu. You and Barold can make your own.”

_“Babies every gods-damned where...”_

She glared at him, in between careful strokes of that exposed arm. “How the fuck did you manage to do this before I could?”

_“And every single time, oooh, they’re so small...”_

“Jealous?”

_“...oooh they’re so tiny...”_

Lup looked away from him, but couldn’t stop looking at Angus. “...yes.”

_“Like you’d want a Fantasy Green Bay Linebacker to pop out?”_

“Well... both of us thought it wouldn’t happen, so precautions went out the window and... you know how everyone was in a mood after we won the war...” He shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t attached to the arm holding his baby. “It happened anyway. Will of Istus, I dunno.”

_“There’s only so much room, up in there, what the fuck do you expect?”_

“Istus should’a given me one, too.”

_“Why is it so Pan-damned surprising every single time?”_

“You didn’t have a body at the time.”

Angus whimpered. Just a single note of complaint, but it was enough to make the whole room freeze. The whole room except Krav, who got to do the changing and, if things were particularly messy, the bathing as well.

He zoomed in and hovered, watching their son intently. “Is it almost time for Daddy to come to the rescue?” he cooed. “Does my little baby boy want some Daddy cuddles?”

Angus smacked his tongue and remained asleep.

Krav did not deflate. “I made a beautiful baby,” he said, apropos of nothing. “All that hard work was worth it.”

Taako glared at him. He’d been like that for Angus’ entire life so far. “You know,” he said, “as I recall, bone daddy, I was the one doing the hard work. You were just... circling like a vulture.”

“And taking you to prenatal checks, and making sure you had the right nutrition,” Krav added. “And giving you massages and looking after you and taking care of the catbox so you didn’t have to. And I bought us all that baby stuff.”

Taako sighed. “You did, but I still maintain that that wasn’t as much hard work as growing and birthing this little nugget.”

Angus released Magnus’ finger and let out a more determined whimper. Magnuts almost leaped away and said, “I didn’t do it.”

“Now he wants Daddy,” sighed Taako. He helped with the transfer and slumped back into the pillows. He looked imploringly at his sister. “Are you _sure_ you want your own? It’s a rough gig.”

“I’ll take two dozen like that one,” she insisted. “Poop, crying, and territorial husband boasting included.”

Barold, so far quiet and out of the way, turned bright red. He had been married to Lup for fifty worlds, in love with her for over a century, directly in her aura for literal decades, and he _still_ blushed like a choirboy every time her lust was pointed in his direction.

“Good luck,” said Taako. They were going to need it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
There are few things I wish for more than baby!Angus content. So baby!Angus on his first day out with Taako and Kravitz, either after being adopted or born, and just running into all of their friends because this would be the first time they saw Angus since Taako and Krav got him.

[AN: Why not both?]

**Young Angus**

Angus McDonald was seven years old, today. If there was a cake, Angus hadn’t seen where Papa had hidden it. Instead of that, he was packing a picnic basket.

It had to be dimensionally transcendent, because Papa was packing way more stuff into it than a regular basket could hold. He had that sneaky face on that meant he was plotting something.

“Good morning,” said Angus. “Do you have something special planned for today?”

“Nope,” lied Papa. He added yet another huge container to the basket.

“I thought today was a special day,” teased Angus. “I’m pretty sure something important happened today. Something... seven years ago...”

Papa pretended to think about this for three containers. “Nope. Nothin’ coming to my mind.” He added a wink. “We just need a little time outdoors. You’ve been cooped up indoors since your welcome-to-the-family party. Sunshine’ll do you great.”

Dad carried him on his shoulders, all the way to the park where the others of this huge, weird family were gathered.

Aunt Lup was the one who had the cake. She could do confectionary if she put the effort into it, Angus knew. It’s just that she preferred quicker recipes. The fact that she had done the cake meant that she thought he was worth the extra effort.

Magnus had some of his best trained dogs. The whole family had everything ready for the best seventh birthday a little boy could hope for.

**Baby Angus**

Here’s the thing about having a baby - going anywhere with one is almost a kingdom-conquering exercise. There was so much stuff involved in taking an infant anywhere that one could easily mistake it for a military event.

“Stroller, check. Diaper bag, check. Bottles, check. Formula, check. Spare clothes, check. Washers, check. Binkies, check...” Taako ran down the list. “Blankie... where the heck is the blankie?”

“I got it, Dove.” Kravitz added the blankie to the significant pile of baby accessories.

“Booties, mittens, tumby...” the essential companion toy, a chubby cloth moppet that Lucretia had made by hand, thus paving the way to Taako actually talking to her by the end of the decade. “I think that’s everything.”

“Except...” prompted Kravitz.

“Except what? We got the baby stroller, the baby bag, the baby bottles, the baby formula... what are we missing?”

“The baby?” Kravitz already had him in his arms.

Angus blinked owlishly at his Apa and said, “Blpth.”

“Of course. _The_ most essential part of a day out with baby.” Taako welcomed both his men into his arms, spared a smooch for them both. “Okay. _Now_ we’re all ready for our first day of shopping.”

It was an interesting day, nonetheless. Taako happened to trip over one of his family or friends on the regular. So regular that it seemed suspicious.

He finally snagged Barold about the fifth time they chanced to meet. “Spill it, Bluejeans. This ain’t no co-incidence. Confess.”

Barold turned bright red (natch) and stammered out, “Yeah, well. Uh. We know it’s your first day out with the kid anduh... we... thought we’d make sure you were all okay.”

Lup appeared out of nowhere. “Not that we were all _that_ worried,” said Lup. “I knew you’d crush it. You’d never do anything stupid like pack everything and forget the baby.”

“Hardy har har,” deadpanned Taako.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
Can I have baby or toddler Angus throwing his first temper tantrum and either everyone’s or just Taako and Kravitz’ reactions?

[AN: I think there was a prompted AU in which Angus was somehow a Taakitz baby so I’m taking it from there]

Angus Taakoson had had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. The forces of fate, fortune, and family were all against him. He kept hearing ‘no’, the cats kept avoiding him when they weren’t hissing and clawing at him, he had just discovered the Wards that pushed him harmlessly away from all the _interesting_ places. Then, to top it all off, to make a wet, miserable day even _worse,_ Apa served Angus a plate full of _broccoli._

It smelled bad. All the cheese sauce and sparkling lights in the world could not make it smell better. Angus pushed the plate away and said, “Yuck! No!”

Apa smiled in spite of the plate of yuck and produced a plate of yum, Apa’s incredibly delightful Sweet Potato Mash. “Good little boys eat their food, Ango,” he said. “You can’t say it’s yuck until you’ve had some.” Instead of the yum, Apa put a tiny little bit of _broccoli_ and a lot of cheese sauce on the spoon. “Try a little, and you get some sweet potato after.”

Somewhere in the blurry distance, Aunty Lulu said, “You can’t bribe or bargain with a baby, bro.”

“Yeah, like _you_ got experience points in that,” grumbled Apa. He waved the spoon in the air. “Aaaaahhh?”

“‘Course I got experience points, I raised _you_ didn’t I?”

Angus pinched his lips together and turned his head away. “Mm-mm!”

“Listen,” said Apa. “I can keep all of this as warm and as fresh as I like _all_ day. Sooner or later, you’re gonna be hungry enough to eat _anything.”_

_“NO!”  
_

Apa was quicker. He popped the spoon and its horrible contents into Angus’ mouth so neatly that it all came as a shock. He could taste cheese, but he knew, he just _knew_ that it had been poisoned with the horrible, horrible _broccoli yuck._ Therefore, so had he.

Angus screamed and wailed, thrashing all four limbs and tossing his little baby head as he fought against the torturous restraint of the high chair.

* * *

Seven heroes and their significant others were watching this performance, one up close and personal, where he had just received the world’s tiniest broccoli floret to the face at maximum possible velocity. Cheese sauce included.

There was a lot of giggling.

Kravitz was trying to be a stern Papa, but was rolling ones at the sight before him.

“What a big drama from such a little boy,” said Lucretia.

Magnus was in absolute fits, holding himself up against the closest counter and wiping tears from his eyes.

Merle was crowing. “How do you like it? How do you like it now, smartypants? Shoes on the other foot, boy...” He was referring one of the hundred worlds in which the Twins were turned into Terrible Elf Larva and he, Merle, was chief in charge of making them do anything related to their needs.

Taako calmly used the spoon to scoop the cheese-and-microscopic-broccoli-floret off his cheek and waited. Primed to pop it back in that howling baby mouth as soon as opportunity allowed.

Davenport, watching with the cats from a very safe high shelf, sipped his wine and said, _“Why_ am I having flashbacks? Why am _I_ having flashbacks?”

Lup, still giggling, said, “Oh, you know. Dad’nport.”

Barry said, “I’d either use Command, or just... wait a few weeks before introducing him to broccoli.”

At the mention of the hated word, baby Angus renewed his howling protest against that particular vegetable.

“I am not,” announced Taako, “going to lose a battle of wits to a gosh-darned _toddler.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
Can I have Little Angus (either adopted or Taakitz baby) with his dads on his first day of school? Getting ready or the aftermath of school?

Angus woke before dawn, a bundle of energy and excitement. Today was the day! He bounced on his bed until the light was bright enough to see, and rushed through his morning ablutions at maximum possible speed. There was one thing he couldn’t do, and that was the rest of getting ready.

He needed Apa and Dad.

Still in his PJ’s and bed socks, Angus scurried to the master bedroom. Apa and Dad liked to sleep in, but today was way too important. Dad was dead to the world, of course. Apa wrapped around him and purring in his sleep. Angus had more than half a chance with waking _Apa._

He clambered up onto the big bed and picked a spot free of lurking limbs or body parts, then started jumping. “FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL! COME ON APA! COME ON DAD! FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!”

“...dunwanna go t’ school...” Apa mumbled. “...five more minutes...”

“Apaaaaaa... it’s time for me to go to school. I gotta get ready, come oooonnnn....”

Apa’s purr turned into a low growl. “Ango, baby. It’s...” he fumbled around for a timepiece and squinted at it. “It’s not even five AM yet.” He yawned. “Gimmie half an hour, m’kay?”

“Half an hour? But that’s _forever...”_ Angus bounced even more. “I wanna get ready _nooowwww...”_

“MmmmnnnnNNNNGH...” Apa shoved at Dad. “Babe. Babe wake up. _Babe!_ Up and at ‘em lazybones.”

“...mmh?”

“Your son wants us to get ready already.”

_“My_ son?” said Dad. “Lemme explain some basic biology to you, babe.”

“I wanna get ready, I wanna get ready,” chanted Angus. “First day of school!”

“...i need coffee,” sighed Apa.

Dad sighed and lurched into a sitting position. “All right, Dove. I’ll get this little lad bathed _and_ your coffee ready. You see to breakfast and the lunchbox.”

“...sch’l unif’rm’s inna top draw’r...” mumbled Apa, burrowing under the covers.

“I swear ‘e does that just to get in the extra kip,” Dad muttered, and then scooped Ango up. “Awright, young master. Let’s start the coffee before we have a bath, eh?”

Angus laughed and cheered, and _almost_ missed the rude gesture Apa made with the one hand poking out from the bedclothes, which made the morning even funnier as Dad tried to distract him.

Morning chaos was always fun, but _this?_ This was _exciting_ too. Angus got bathed and dressed in his brand new uniform. Of course he helped Dad prepare the coffee. Apa was still in _his_ PJs as he took his first cup.

Stronger than the love of the gods, blacker than the depths of space, and with enough maple sugar to sweeten the heart of Asmodeus himself. Bit by bit, degree by degree, Apa came to life. Which was always a bit weird because technically? Dad was the dead one.

Apa helped with the lunchbox. Angus selected the things to pack. Sandwiches, snacks, fruit... everything a small, yet growing magic boy needed to have a good day. And, of course, breakfast. It was a larger family affair in the _big_ kitchen, with Aunt Lup and Apa having their ongoing sibling argument while getting everything ready and stealing each other’s ingredients. Dad and Uncle Barry could be relied upon to peel or chop things, but they spent most of their time admiring their respective spouses.

It was a great morning.

Apa picked out some super glittery clothes and readied his favourite deer saddle. They were going to ride in _style._ Angus grinned. He couldn’t wait to see the other kids’ faces when _he_ came to school on a real live Elven Riding Deer! Of course Apa picked the one with the impressive antlers and the tack that included silver bells. Apa just adored showing off.

Dad could just take a portal if he wanted to, but he chose to ride with, this day. _His_ mount was more... his work aesthetic, so he changed out of his fleshy look and went with his work look on.

“Think I’m going to knock ‘em dead?” Dad asked.

“Da-a-aad...”

“Only figuratively, babe.”

It was going to be the _best_ day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
Taakitz baby!Angus like two years old in the kitchen “helping” his Apa bake. In actuality he’s sitting on the counter mashing bananas in a bowl that have nothing to do with the recipe but Taako gave it to him to do so Ango feels like he’s being helpful.

Taako was making bread. Sweetbread, sourdough, wholemeal muffins with added bits, brioche... it had been a while since he’d had the time to really _bake_ and there was something about kneading that was relaxing and mediative. Ango was seemingly occupied with some of the more harmless kitchen tools, wheeling things back and forth over the countertop.

That was what he had been doing until Taako caught him playing with some of the dough he’d set apart to rise.

“Yeah, I know. This looks like your fun colourful stuff, baby.” Taako gently separated the blob from Angus’ tiny hands, scooping up his boy into his arms. “This is hard to understand, nugget, but Apa’s not playing. Apa’s working.”

“Wanna play,” insisted Angus.

“That stuff has to sit quietly for a while. It’s in time-out,” Taako explained. “It’s having a nap so it can grow big and strong.”

“No naps!”

“No, you don’t have to have a nap...” Taako thought hard. How old had he been when Aunt Ques had welcomed his presence in the kitchen? It seemed like an everyday thing. There hadn’t been a memory of Aunt Ques when he wasn’t in a kitchen with her. Well, her and of course Lup.

His earliest cooking lesson had been mashing soft fruit, and he couldn’t recall if any of that product had gone into anything Aunt Ques made that day...

Taako mage-handed over some bananas and peeled them, getting out another bowl in a long line of bowls and some tools that might be enjoyable. “You, my sweet little nugget, can help Apa smash up _all_ these bananas.”

“Yay!” cheered Angus.

Taako gave his baby a butter knife. “Take a banana... and chop it up into this bowl.”

Angus was more wont to stab it within the bowl, but that wasn’t any skin off of Taako’s nose. It let him get on with kneading and rolling and pressing and portioning. Of course, when Angus was done with the cutting, he was allowed to graduate onto the mashing. The kid soon gave up on using the mashing wand, preferring to get gloriously sticky with his own fingers.

Ah, what the hell. They could probably do with some banana bread anyway. Or maybe banana cake. Cake would mean less stress for Angus, since there was less waiting for the dough to rise. Choco-banana muffins for sure.

Angus could sift flour into the goo, and ‘help’ stir. As far as Taako remembered, his early cooking adventures had been more about the mess than they had been about making anything to eat.

...he’d need another bath. Natch. That was no real bother. Bath time was fun and the stuff in the oven wouldn’t burn in the time it took to get one sticky little baby clean. Then it would be time to get sticky _again_ with icing and decorating and all that fun stuff.

Lup had enjoyed making the cupcakes and muffins pretty, Taako recalled. Maybe Angus would like that too.

But that was hours - and about six more bananas away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
Baby Angus being sick for the first time in his very young, very short life and Taako and Krav freaking out while Merle exasperatedly has to heal Ango.

When Kravitz came back at one in the morning, he found Taako pacing the floor with a very upset Angus in his arms. The baby was just wearing a diaper and Taako was looking very, very frazzled indeed.

“Great, you’re back,” said Taako. “Put that frosty hand of yours on our boy’s brow, real quick. Or hold him.” He didn’t even wait for permission, just thrust a whiny baby into his arms.

Angus just whimpered, but he was scalding hot to Kravitz’s senses. Hotter than Taako usually felt when he felt compelled to pounce on his undead hubby. “He... shouldn’t be this warm,” he allowed.

“No, our boy’s feverish,” said Taako. He had his Stone of Farspeech out and was apparently dialling a frequency from memory. “And it’d help if a certain alleged Cleric would PICK UP HIS DAMN STONE!”

Angus mewled piteously, poor baby had hardly any voice left to cry.

Kravitz hummed some soothing tunes, not exactly focussed on a spell, just trying to soothe their baby. Poor little Ango. Apa Taako had tried several home remedies, if the mess on the counter was any indication. Herbal teas and medicines, ice, herbal teas turned into ice... cooling washcloths, the lot.

“...the frequency you called did not pick up, if you would like to leave a message...” Taako slapped the stone down with an, “Abraca-fuck-you!”

Angus cried weakly, a limp and miserable weight in Kravitz’s arms.

“I could try a healing spell,” Kravitz offered.

Taako took a few steadying breaths. “You got Cure Disease?”

“No, but I do have Revifying Slumber... it might help break the fever if it counts as a Condition.”

“Worth a shot,” Taako shrugged. “I’m calling Mags. He’s closer to Bottlenose Cove, so _he_ can go kick Merle’s ass for me.”

Kravitz started humming _Lean on Me_ as he juggled Angus from one shoulder to the other. The magic flowed with the notes and Angus drowsed as he sucked his thumb. It was difficult for him to tell as he warmed up through the power of true love, but it seemed like Angus’ fever might be easing.

“Yeah, that’s Krav in the background. Ango’s sleeping for now, but... babies, right? Just... go sic your direhounds on Merle and get up his ass for having his Stone turned off. We need a cure or a rest or something... Already? Sweet. Soon.” Taako hung up. “Magnus is rushing in.”

“That’s good news,” sighed Kravitz. “Did my spell work?”

Taako felt their baby. “Still hot, so... nope. At least he gets a little sleep, poor mite.”

...and the parents, not so much. Kravitz could tell. “Have _you_ had any kind of rest?”

“For the two days since you left?” Taako asked. “He started on this thing yesterday and I’ve been calling the Dwarf every other hour since that afternoon.”

So... possibly not. “I’m guessing I can’t spell you on this watch?”

“Fuck no.” Taako’s stone chimed, indicating Merle’s frequency. Taako pounced, “ThisiscasadelTaako, pleasetellmeyou’recominghere,”

Magnus’ voice said, “He had it on Silent the entire time, and yes, I am bringing him. Super-speed.”

“...fuck me, he has the Boots of Haste again,” muttered Taako. “Great news, lug. Just make sure he doesn’t impact the door on his way in. And re-set his fucking Stone while you’re there.”

“I already did that.”

Taako wavered a little during a really long blink. Kravitz caught him in a spare arm and guided him to the couch, draping a sleeping baby across his chest. “You just keep him close, Dove. I’ll do all the fielding.”

Taako mumbled, “You know I’m going to catch whatever crud Ango’s got, right? I’m going to be hideously ill.”

Kravitz said, “In sickness _and_ health, babe,” and then smooched both his loves.

Magnus rushed in, Dwarven Cleric over his shoulder. Dogs at his heels. Every cat in Casa del Taako fled for safe enclosures and Angus himself woke at the ruckus and started his weak cries again.

Taako got up, glaring boiling liquid death at Merle and Magnus, and began again on the Grumpy Baby Two-step. “Get on over here and do that voodoo you do, damnit,” he grouched.

“I did make a promise,” Merle grumped, waddling over to the centre of attention. Taako sat so he could reach, and tried to fend off the sniffing and curious dogs that seemed to be everywhere.

“Heel,” Magnus barked, and the dogs seemingly evaporated from the area, clustering around the big, burly oaf. “Sit,” and they sat, panting in the way that all dogs did when they knew they were being good good boys.

Merle laid on hands and mumbled a few words to Pan and finally, Angus’ fever broke. “He’ll be able to ride out the rest, no trouble,” he announced. “Just a cold.”

“Just a cold,” mocked Taako. “Dude, a cold doesn’t drag out _that_ long. Susan and her fucking anti-vax and wine crowd let that killer ‘flu get loose, didn’t they?”

“It wasn’t the killer ‘flu, geez...” Merle rolled his eyes. “It’s just some cruddy rhinovirus that’s doing the rounds. Hit him a little hard, that’s _all.”_

“I’m gonna tear her and her little disease vectors a new one, just you wait,” Taako vowed.

“After a decent nap, Dove?” suggested Kravitz. “And a good meal. When was the last time you ate?” He was definitely two-missed-dinners crabby. Kravitz could tell.

“Uuuuuhhhh...”

“Yeah, you need to eat something,” decided Magnus. “One Magnus Special coming right up.”

“Oh gods, not Depression Dinner,” moaned Taako. “Out of the way, lugnuts, you always get the spice profile wrong...”

Magnus shot Kravitz an ‘OK’ sign and then scooped up Merle for the trip back. “It’s been a slice. See you soon.”

Magnus, Merle, dogs and all zipped away in a small cloud of dust, leaving Kravitz the alleged trouble of getting his two closest treasures to bed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> VesperRiver on Chapter 7 of Baby Angus Adventures  
Maybe some time in the middle of taakos pregnancy with angus? I don't really have anything specific lol
> 
> [AN: Technically, you could get some of that from Chapter One, but... I'm'a do this anyway]
> 
> cw: vomiting

It never failed. Conquer the horrible thing that one had been stressing over since whenever, just have enough time to relax... and catch a fucking disease. Something about all the stress chemicals going away and letting the immune system fall over from exhaustion or some shit. All Taako knew about it was that he was sick of hurling his guts up in the wee small hours of the dawning twilight.

He was sick of being sick. He was tired of being tired. He wanted to lean on his sister, but her bod wasn't done cooking yet and all he could do was nod off and fall through her.

"You okay, there, Koko?"

"...don't mind me, I'm dying," Taako mumbled.

Lup's resplendent fires banked a little. She knew that when Taako was being melodramatic, he was going to be fine. It was when he went silent that he was truly in danger. This odd mixture of melodrama and quiet gave her concern. "Tell me what's up?"

Taako made the 'I dunno' noise. "Tired all'a time. Sick all'a time. I feel gross and I dunno why. It's horseshit."

Lup's fire-burning eyes flared as she invoked one of her Creepy Spells that she'd learned from Barold. "Oh boy," she said. "Oooooh dear..."

Taako was not there for this shit. "Either tell me what's up or fuck off and let me slip into a coma..."

"You and Ghost Rider got frisky after we won, didn't ya?"

Taako opened one eye to glare at her. Gods, she was in Gloat Mode. He didn't have the energy to deal with Lulu in Gloat Mode. "...i sweartafuck if you start singing _I Know Something You Don't Know..."_

"Ease your jets, babe, it's cool. You -ah- might want to do The Test, though. Tomorrow morning."

He heard the capitals. He only knew how to listen for them from the number of scares Lulu had had in their less-educated past. "I'm a dude, Lulu..."

"Not entirely," she singsonged. "Remember the garbage from my transition?"

Oh yeah, she'd got a discount because some equipment was... whoops. That did happen from time to time, but never before to _him._ "Do you see it? With that Creepy Spell?"

"Eyes of Soulsight, fuck yeah," said Lup. "A little tiny new star in your constellation, bro. _Just_ trying to grab hold of living. It's adorable."

So. The Test would only confirm what his sister had already seen. "Mmmnnfff..." He pulled a pillow over his head. "Go gloat elsewhere b'fore I throw up through you."

When he woke, Lulu had cooked him some nutritious and delicious fry-up that could potentially hold the recommended daily nutrients for _three_ days in one helping. She _had_ been paying attention. In the rare moments when he was hungry, it was this bullshit that he inevitably cooked. All the good things in one gross package. All of it still warm under a Cover of Preservation.

He had the best sister in the world.

As Taako sat up, a sign fell off him. It read, _Glass Cannon Out of Order._

Okay, scratch that. He was going to fucking kill her all over again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loyalshipper said:  
Baby!Angus’s first Candlenights? Either present opening, Candlenights dinner, or watching Taako stress over Candlenights dinner

“Any particular reason why your spawn is in a highchair, babe?”

“Several,” said Apa, who was doing several things at once only moreso, with extra anxiety on the side. Angus could tell. Apa always whisked or mixed faster when he was stressed about something. “One, he likes to be tall. Two, poor baby’s got a little of the separation anxiety and he’s happier when he can see what Apa’s doing. Three, we’re learning some words.”

“Any interesting ones?” teased Aunty Lup.

“Chop,” said Angus, who thought it was interesting to watch the knives turn things into chunks. “Chop, chop, chop... ‘lice! Chop, ‘lice, dice.”

“Aaaw, that’s too adorable. You’re sure I can’t steal him?”

“Go fuck’n make your own.”

“Duckie,” echoed Angus.

“Almost, sweetling. We got us a goose. Gooooose...” Which was a big pink blob somewhere beyond Angus’ range of focus. “Which counts as a dire duck, I _think...”_

“Only on that one world with the mega-versions of everything. Can Aunty Lulu help Ango make Maple Thumbprint Cookies?”

Angus jiggled in his chair and giggled in excitement. Cooking with Aunty Lup was the _best!_ He got to be all kinds of messy and could play with the dough and it was always super tasty afterwards. “Map’l Lulu!”

“I think that’s a ‘yes’.”

“You’re still not stealin’ my baby, sis.”

“Oh, just make the stuffing, we’ll be making a mess. Won’t we, Ango?” Aunty Lup picked him up out of the high chair and gave him a cuddle as they danced around and she sang. “It’s a mes-sy bab-y Can-dle-nights, that’s how you know it’s fuuunnnnn... If the baby’s mess’d from top to toe, then the fun has just be-guuunnnn...”

Angus wriggled in her arms and laughed and said, “Map’l, map’l, map’l!”

Angus got to add ingredients to the bowl, and turn the handle of the sifter, and help Aunty Lup stir everything together. He got to squish the dough and leave handprints in it. He had to sit and watch as Aunty Lup added special sweet jelly to the handprints, and was yawning in his seat when they went into the oven.

“Aaawww... someone’s ready for Santa’s visit...”

“Merle better not give him a godsdamned potplant. Augh! My seasoning!”

“I’ve got ‘im, Dove. You worry about the food.” Papa had Angus in his arms and there was bath time and PJ’s and tucking in to his cradle cote with the most patient of the cats as a teddy bear.

There were delicious smells when he woke, and the cat who was with him oozed out into the bigger, greater expanse of the house tree. Angus crawled out to the opening of the larger cote to see a whole lot more grownups than usual. He could spot Apa and Aunty Lup in the kitchen, and the big shape with the blue legs _had_ to be Uncle Barry.

“Heeeyyy, it’s the pipsqueak.” The big fuzzy shape resolved itself into Uncle Magnus. “Hello, Master Angus. Shall I be your transportation, this morning?”

“Up! Up!”

Uncle Magnus had a _lot_ of Up to spare. Angus laughed to be yeeted briefly above everyone else’s heads.

“Oi! Careful with him...” said Papa.

“I’m careful, chill out.”

There were colourful things under the mountainous Candlenights tree. Angus could only see blobs, but they sure got his attention. They twinkled along with the fairy lights and had NOT been there the night before. One of the cats emerged from the depths over them, stretching as it went.

“Aaaah!” Angus pointed. “Colours!”

“Lots of colourful _presents,_ yeah,” cooed Uncle Magnus. “The star of the show’s noticed the _presents,_ and good old Santa has been here.”

“You guys owe me a new lumbar support,” grumbled Grampa Merle from under a host of cats. He was stationary, squishy, and warm. Three things the cats adored. There may or may not have been a bonus fourth with the things that were always in his beard. Angus couldn’t tell from this far away.

Apa dusted himself off. “Okay, the goose is getting cooked, we can hand out presents, now.”

“Pwesents,” echoed Angus.

_“That’s_ the Candlenights spirit,” cooed Aunty Lup. “Gimmie love, gimmie lots, gimmie Candlenights trove.”

“That hardly rhymes, Lulu.”

“Grinch!”

Uncle Magnus put Angus down near Papa, who had distribution duty. “Oh, this one says it’s for a special little boy.”

“Must mean me,” joked Grampa Davenport.

“It’s from _Santa,”_ rumbled Apa. “That means it’s for the baby.”

The present fit neatly into Angus’ lap, and the colourful paper was fun to play with. So much fun that he almost didn’t notice when some of it tore.

“Well, the wrapping paper’s a hit...”

“He’s not quite a year old, Luce. Let him discover.”

Oh! There were things _inside_ the bright colourful outsides! This one was a bouncy ball! Angus tossed it up and watched it swirl with colours and sparkles as it bounced to a stop and, of course, got attacked by a couple of cats. He crawled after it, laughing. Trailing ribbons and paper that the cats pounced upon, much to the hilarity of all.

Hours passed by like that, with ripping paper and ribbons and _so_ many fun things and cats pouncing and laughter and... and _then,_ there was the feast. An entire table full to the brim with delicious food and a golden-brown roast goose and thumbprint cookies and things wrapped in other things and _so_ much colourful stuff. Angus wanted to try it all.

He said, “YAH!” to everything, even the dreaded _vegetables,_ because Apa and Aunty Lup made it all look and smell so attractive.

This just _had_ to be the best day in the whole world!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> atticusblackwolf on Chapter 61 of Tumbl'd 3:  
Super cool that you wrote everyone as fuzzy shapes! That's an angle I dont think I've seen before.
> 
> Could you write a chapter where they realise he needs glasses and Angus seeing for the first time? I'm thinking that kind of scenario is right up your alley.

"What's with the long face, babe?"

Taako said, "You were on the Fantasy News, this morning."

"And I pretty much smashed it, right?"

"That's not what concerned me," said Taako. "Uh. Ango... was pointing and saying 'Apa'."

Lup snorted. "Chill out, baby bro. _Merle_ couldn't tell us apart for like ninety-eight years."

"Merle _still_ thinks we're fuckin' identical," grumbled Taako. "Also... watch this." He handed the very small child one of his favourite books. "Who's that?"

Ango picked up the book and brought it right up to his face. "Sleep Sheep!"

"Oh shit," said Lup. "So much for his Elf eyes, huh?"

Taako sighed, "Yeah, baby's gotta go to the optometrist..."

* * *

"Now these should stay on, but if they drop off, we have a free repair and replacement policy." The glasses were more like goggles, with an adjustable strap instead of earpieces. "These come with a hard case to put them away in for bedtime and a free Fantasy Microfibre cloth for cleaning."

"Okay, pumpkin, hold still for a sec'." Taako wrestled a little as he put the goggles on over his toddler son's head.

Angus wriggled initially and then boggled as a new focus swam into view for the first time. He took a deep breath in. "I SEE THE WHOLE WORLD!"

Taako chuckled, "Well, you got a good start on it anyway. Can you see Dad?"

Angus found Krav easily, and pointed. "There's Dad. And Aunty Lup!" And then, a true sign of doom, "I see doughnuts! Can I have some doughnuts?"

Well, that was one feature of sharp eyes that Taako wasn't going to be grateful for any time soon. All those times they'd passed by the candy aisle were going to be a thing of the past, for sure. "Two doughnuts," he allowed.

The kid was going to spend all fucking _day_ reading every single shopfront, and Taako could for sure deal with that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said:  
Can we get a story where non Baby!Angus Ango does something that crosses enough of a line that Taako and Kravitz have to punish him? (Like ground him out put him on pooper-scooper duty at Magnus')

It was quite the crime scene. The miasma of burned sugar and almonds filled the house. Half a cake lay under a cover of preservation. Some blackened blobs of... something... lay on a baking tray. Bubbles were frozen in the blobs’ surface, and Kravitz noted with alarm that there was no parchment nor any baking paper between them and the tray, which meant that the tray was essentially ruined.

Opposite the cake and the tray was a spread of marzipan fondant, patterned with candy canes and snowflakes, as evidenced by the rolling pin with embossed shapes on it. There were holes cut in the layer, yuletide shapes of gingerbread men, snowmen, trees, and bells. There were those shapes of cookie cutters laying nearby, as well as a large spreader knife.

This was not a Taako experiment. This was... a series of bad assumptions.

The house was quiet, save for the pleading mewls of the household cats. It was past their dinnertime by nearly half an hour, so they were clearly starving to death. Wait. Not quite silent... there were two separate sets of sobbing.

One in Angus’ room, one in Taako’s.

Kids came first.

He found Angus trying to pack to run away from home. He had an umbrella, which he was clearly planning to use as a bindle stick, and a large scarf upon which he was laying out what he thought of as the essentials. Since he was actually only three and a half, those things were mostly toys and favourite books. And a family portrait.

“Packing to leave?” asked Kravitz.

“I have to,” sniffled Angus. “...’m evil now.”

Um. What? “Nobody turns evil overnight, kiddo... Tell you what... I’ll talk about this with Apa. I don’t know what went wrong,” he could guess, but... “Just like Caleb Cleveland, I need all the facts.”

Taako was in a depression ball inside one of his terrible Candlenights sweaters. The one with the googly-eyed reindeer on it, which he utterly _despised._

“Dove? Is there anything you need?”

“...jar of super-crunchy peanut butter an’ a jar of fuckin’ peanuts.”

Aaah, crap. This was bad. He had to be stern with one of them, and Taako was obviously the toughest. “Dove... Taako. I need to know what the fuck happened here. At least come out enough to talk to me.”

He’d let his glamour go, and his makeup run, and his hair tangle. This... was fucking _terrible._

“He thought... my marzipan fondant... was _sugar cookies._ And he tried t’ bake ‘em... while I was on the Stone to _Marvellous Magic Magazine._ I told him to wait... He didn’t wait... Do you _know_ how long it takes to make marzipan from _scratch,_ Krav? Do you know _how_ long that takes?”

Kravitz could guess ‘more than a little while’ and moved on to the next obvious question. “Why were you making marzipan from scratch, love?”

“Fucking _Suzan_ and her gods-damned neighbourhood Candlenights’ party. Like fuck am I using anything _store bought_ for anything I bring _there.”_ He shuddered and sobbed. “And worse, that baking tray is fucking _ruined..._ It was one of our wedding gifts...”

Kravitz wrapped around him and let him cry it out. “So our boy made some bad choices... In his defence, we _had_ been making sugar cookies all week...”

A shuddering breath in. “I know...”

“He probably thought he was trying to help.”

“I know...”

“So what’s the real trouble?”

“I dunno what t’ do about this,” Taako whimpered. “I might’a overreacted...”

“Angus did tell me he was evil now... and was trying to run away from home.”

“...oh gods...” Taako broke down in incoherent blubbering, but the gist of his teary babbling was that he never wanted any baby to feel unwanted. He never wanted to make Angus feel like he was hated, that life sucked. He was a bad parent and so on and so forth.

Kravitz carried Taako to Angus room so they could both bawl out their apologies to each other under his wing. In this case, literally under his wing... because the shelter of his wings hd always helped both husband and son feel safe.

They finally wound down to coherent words. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait. I wanted you to be proud I could do it all by myself.”

“I’m sorry I overreacted, baby. You’re not evil. And you’re not... anything else I said, I swear I don’t remember a lot of it, and I never meant a word. Apa got way too upset about a silly mistake.”

“All right. Now for a new house rule. You cause a mess, you at least try to fix it.”

“Guess that means tryin’a scrub burned marzipan off’a the baking tray,” mumbled Taako. “I’ll put all your stuff back to rights. Then we all learn Fabricate because _fuck_ making marzipan from scratch after _this_ meltdown.”

Taako could re-order Ango’s room on his own, but Angus would need supervision to at least try to get rid of burned marzipan. It was hard work, for sure, and Angus was not allowed to use Prestidigitation to clean it. He had to understand how much recovery was involved in a mistake like this one.

Angus managed to chip most of the bubbly blobs off and scour two burned marks off the surface before Taako declared, “Okay. That’s enough. You’re gonna wait when I tell ya from now, aren’t you, Ango?”

“...’essir.”

“M’kay. Lesson learned. Now for a fun one. Fabricate...”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aroyalmess said on Ch8 of Baby Angus Adventures: Ahh yes gotta love that sibling love right there. It would be fun to see a chapter where Taako tells Krav he’s literally pregnant and see his reaction. I love the way you write!

Taako woke from gestation-induced torpor to find Kravitz with some very beneficial, yet foul-smelling tea. "Lup said this would be good for you."

Oh gods. Why did the healthy stuff make him want to ralph? Good thing he didn't have much in him to throw up. _Hold your breath and drink it anyway. It's good for the baby._ "She... didn't tell you why it's good for me, did she?"

"No. She said I had to ask you, Dove. I already asked Istus and you know how she's like."

"Spoilers?" Taako asked.

"That's an exact quote," he grumped. "Her favourite word."

Taako gagged down some of the tea. It smelled like ass. Worse than ass. The worst ass he had ever had the misfortune to sniff. GAH. "Well. You remember how things were after we won? A whole lotta partying and a load of folks loving their lives and each other?"

Krav blushed as he smiled. "Yeah. That was... wow."

"Well... me'n'Lup have one little thing in common. Uhm. We can both have babies. So. Uh. Turns out? We're having the permanent type of little surprise in our future."

"You're getting another cat?"

"No... The _other_ kind of permanent little surprise."

"Magnus convinced you to adopt a puppy?"

"The other _other_ kind of little surprise."

"What kind of pets are left?"

"Not a pet." He gagged on more of the tea. It was worse cold, so he had to choke it down now. Gross. "But it will be small and messy and need us for like... years. Until it can walk and talk and have adventures on its own."

Evidently, Krav's internal gears were turning, but they weren't coming out with a logical answer. "Why the heck would you adopt a baby?"

"Not adopting. Having. You and me made a baby or two. It's too early to tell if it's twins, but they kind'a gallop in the family, so prepare now."

"Wait. What?"

"I'm morning sick, Krav. Hormones and bullshit and growing at minimum one entire new intelligent being."

"Huh?"

Taako took a deep breath. "I'm..." he could say it. "Pregnant."

Krav stated.

"You're a daddy, Bone Daddy."

A tiny squeaking noise.

How many more ways could he say this? "I've joined the pudding club. I'm going to be smuggling pumpkins. We're having a happy accident. We've got spawn generation protocol. We're multiplying. The family is growing. A dad is you."

A smile started to form on Krav's ebon face. "...hi pregnant, i'm dad."

Well. It was a start.


End file.
